What do you do when you open your inbox and discover an email from an unhappy parent?
If you’re being blamed or attacked, your defenses likely go up. It’s natural to want to defend yourself, but that only makes the situation worse. You might even send off a quick email that could escalate the situation and lead to involvement from your administrator.
Through the years, I’ve perfected a simple email format that diffuses almost any situation. If you follow a few simple tips, you can resolve parent concerns and even have angry parents thanking you in the end.
Step 1:
Instead of responding immediately, collect your thoughts. If you have children of your own, imagine the type of email you would prefer to see from a teacher. If you don’t have children, imagine how you would want to be approached to discuss something negative about your significant other or a family member.
Step 2:
When you are ready, begin the email with a positive comment instead of jumping to the parent’s concern or your concern about the student. Make sure you are sincere in your comment. I’ve never had a situation where I couldn’t find something nice to say about even the most frustrating kid. For example, if a student’s behavior is poor but they are academically strong, begin by acknowledging the student’s proficient skills. Starting with something positive communicates to the parent that you care about their child and that you see something good in them just as the parent does. It diffuses a parent’s natural instinct to think you hate their child and that you are out to get him or her.
Step 3:
Once you have established a positive rapport, transition the email into addressing the concern from the parent or a concern you have. Spell out the problem as you see it. You may be tempted to use words that are accurate but highly emotional. Try to avoid these at all cost. Words like “sneaky” and “manipulative” might be accurate about the student, but those inflammatory words would only create a bigger problem. Keep your description of the student’s problem neutral, using unbiased language. Offer specific examples of the problem as evidence to support your concerns. These will help parents better see the issues you have been experiencing in the classroom.
Step 4:
Wrap up the email by revisiting the positive qualities of the child and extending an offer of assistance or best wishes for the future. For example, you could say, “I would be happy to help Johnny get caught up during after school tutoring” or “I know that Sally is capable of doing much higher quality work.” This reminds parents that you are only trying to help their child and that you have not given up on him or her.
Step 5:
Before you send the email, read it a few more times. Make sure there are no typos, that names and other words are spelled correctly, and that you have removed any inflammatory language.
When done correctly, I guarantee you will receive a parent response such as this:
Thank you so much for going through the extra trouble. It feels so good to end on a positive note today and (Johnny) felt good about today as well. Thank you so much for everything you have done for our kids the past 2 years. You are an amazing teacher.
Or this:
Thank you for your kind words regarding (Johnny) and thank you for clarifying the situation. I’m sorry (he) has been disrespectful during your class. We’ll have to try to figure out the root of the problem to try to help (him) not continue with this mindset.
In the end, the parents better understand what occurred, and they are able to accept what you have told them because they see you as a partner working to help their child, not an enemy trying to destroy him or her.
If you have another technique that has worked well in the past, please share it!
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